Wait, what happens in the call room?

With all the gatherings surrounding non-medical family and friends during the holiday season, there is enough eggnog and wine to go around to loosen inhibitions, which in my circles leads to open curiosity about what it's like to be in medicine. After all, medical TV shows sexed up this career ad nauseum.

1. Let's talk about call rooms
If I had a dime for every ’So what really happens in the call room?’ , my student loans would be paid off. These are your average call room contents:
- an old dorm room like mattress covered in sheets that you hope were changed sometime that month
- a phone on a wooden desk typically encased in dust that may or may not work
That is it. (Unless you count the expired roach in the corner) The only event that takes place in a call room (other than repeatedly being jolted from an hour long nap by a pager) is the occasional murder of a moderately sized insect that attempts to crawl its way over to sleep with you.

2. When we leave the office early....
.... we probably a.) ruptured an appendix or 3) lost a parent. Most likely c.) all of the above. 

3. The whole, 'Wait, so you're a doctor, are you loaded?' has got to go.

Half my salary goes to taxes, the other half to student loans. If your kids do not have a trust fund and want to go to medical school, I highly recommend setting one up. 

4. How doctors charge for what they do when you stay in the hospital
We don't. Your friendly billing department of whatever hospital you were in does. They will itemize everything (including the pain pills, the Jello on your tray, the extra night in the hospital) and send a bill to your insurance company who will decide what to reimburse. The rest is up to you. The only thing docs have power over and are responsible for is well....your life. 

5. Do you guys all sit together in the cafeteria?
Sit while you eat? I mean, who does that?